I have been thinking for the past few days and I actually felt disappointed more than upset. All this while, I have been trying too hard to keep you as a friend. I put in effort to randomly drop you messages cause I know that if I don't do so, we may end up not contacting each other at all. Perhaps it was too selfish of me to want to still remain as friends that I failed to see if you wanted to do the same.
You did nothing wrong. Honestly, you never did anything wrong. But I can't help getting mad at you as though you were at fault. I am not sure what's the best for me, for us. Maybe it's better for you to tell me? Or maybe I rather you don't say or do anything at all.
Sometimes I wished we didn't had anything. At least we could still be friends now. Genuine friends that will randomly text to check on each other once in awhile. Genuine friends that will share troubles and still be part of each other's lives. But then the truth is, I am no longer in your life. There isn't a need to update me on your ups and downs anymore. And what made me felt really stupid is I still kept you in my life. I still have the thought of updating you on what I felt were major life decisions to me. To be honest, when I shared stuff with you, I really treated you as a friend. A friend whom I can confide in and seek comfort from. But when it's one sided, it's never gonna last.
If we didn't start anything, at least we could still be like how we used to be. At least I wouldn't be left behind. At least I wouldn't be feeling what I am feeling right now :(
I think I have been doing all four for like the past 1.9 years.
I tried everything they tell you to do. I surrounded myself with friends, exercised like a fiend, wasted a lot of money on new clothes and manicures and blowouts, kept myself busy. But nothing worked. I couldn’t seem to move on.
I knew very well that I shouldn't have expected anything from the start. But when someone makes you a promise, you tend to just expect something. I have to admit that I do have some expectations still from you. Then again, your actions are such a disappointment. I remembered telling you once before that don't ever make a promise if you know there's a possibility that you cannot keep it. I am not sure if you are too confident in yourself or what that you tend to say those words so easily.
Ironic. At the end of the day when you still managed to keep your promise, I will eventually just take it as though nothing happened. And the worst part of everything was, you still made me happy.